Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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