At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
