Your dad touched me again.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
