Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize