dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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