so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
