I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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