i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
