What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
