Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
