Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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