i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
