the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
