somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
