It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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