mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
