I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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