my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
