i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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