He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's shark week go big or go home
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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