Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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