i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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