Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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