Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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