My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
