I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
