Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
