Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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