Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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