the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I skipped work to stalk him.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
