I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
