Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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