I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
