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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
