omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
