I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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