I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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