I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
