he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
