We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
