there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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