he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
worst night to have a conscience
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
