i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Pants are for mortals
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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