I cockslap morals
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
