i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
