i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
