omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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