I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
