life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
