Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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