My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
