you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
