He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
