So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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