It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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