I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm like, not good at living.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
