I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
