I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
