apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
