the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I want her autograph on my taint
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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