Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
