You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
