dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
