My brain says no but my pants say off.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
