You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I want to be your penis for a week.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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