Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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